In the Middle of the Fields by Mary Lavin

Author:Mary Lavin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Island Books
Published: 2016-08-01T16:00:00+00:00

Dear Alan [she wrote],

I’m writing to tell you that my father is ill. Oh Alan, he is very, very ill, so ill indeed that apart from any consideration of how his illness might affect us I would have written to tell you anyway, knowing you would be sad for him. It was on the very night you sailed the pain first struck him. I feel sure that, like me, you will think that very strange. And I hope that, like me, you will think that fact a sufficient reason for my writing. Anyway I cannot believe that you meant us to drop completely out of each other’s existence. Do you realise that at this moment I do not know in what part of Australia you intend to settle? And that if I do not post this letter in time to reach you at Gibraltar or Aden, I may quite literally lose sight of you forever.

To return to Father, it now appears that he must have been ailing for some time, all winter perhaps. I can’t help an ache at my heart when I think that if we had more patience matters might now be very different for us. Not that I am blaming you, dear, or thinking that you should not have gone, for although there can be no mistaking that Father’s ailment is fatal, nevertheless his illness may be long and painfully drawn-out. Poor, poor Father. I suppose in a way my reaction to your going has been altered by these new circumstances. Perhaps now you can see that there was something to be said for my remaining behind? For my part, in spite of all the happiness I have given up, I am glad, oh so glad, that I too am not at this moment thousands of miles away from him. You will hardly believe me, Alan, but all things considered, I can almost say I am happy. Our parting no longer seems so senseless as it did the night you left.

To keep to what is relevant, I am of course doing everything I can for him, and I may add that Lily has been wonderful, but the fact is that very little can be done. He is to have a small exploratory operation, but the disease may well be too advanced for much to be done. At his age, an operation is always a risk, but the doctors see no reason for thinking he may not get through it. His heart, they say, is as strong as the heart of a young man.

I should tell you that I do not really expect a reply, although I am nearly miserable enough to crave any crumb of comfort. I will leave it to you, dear. Quite frankly at times I cannot believe you are gone.

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